Easter Sunday is coming

     It’s Friday.  There is anger and confusion.  An unnatural darkness covers everything.  Those who know each other best, who should be the closest, are lost, uncertain, broken, and defeated.  And the very scent of death lingers in the air.

     Have you ever thought about what went through Jesus’ disciples minds on the Friday of the crucifixion?  They’d been with Jesus through years of good times.  They’d seen him teach, perform miracles, heal the sick, and care for the poor, the oppressed, and the rejected.  At one time, they were even willing to die for him.  But then things went bad.  And just as quickly as they once so convincingly stood by him, they now doubted him, fled from him, denied him, and even watched him die.  But God was still there.  And Easter Sunday was coming.

     Every couple walks through their own “Fridays,” when it seems things couldn't get any worse, that any hope of...well...hope, seems unlikely.  The joy you once experienced seems distant and an unnatural darkness has crept into your relationship.  I don’t know what your Friday is.  It might be a new couple’s first major disagreement.  “Where is the man I married?”  It might be deception.  “Did she really believe I would never find out about her secret credit cards?”  It might be the loss of a job.  “He feels so worthless, and I don’t know how to help him.”  It might be of a physical nature.  “The disease is progressive and she won’t get better.”  Whether it is a spouse’s really bad choices, mismanaged stress, financial difficulty, family problems, or whatever else, all couples encounter fearful Fridays.

     But God is there.  He is always there.  And there is a “Sunday” coming that brings the hope of new life, reconciliation, and renewal.  Jesus’ disciples couldn’t see it on Friday, and more often than not a couple in the middle of a crisis can’t see it either.  But trust God and know that Sunday is coming.

     In 1 Corinthians 15:3-4, Paul says:

 For what I received I passed on to you as of first importance: that Christ died for our sins according to the Scriptures, that he was buried, that he was raised on the third day according to the Scriptures.

The most important part of our faith is knowing; knowing that resurrection Sunday is coming.  And in knowing we have “Christ in us, the hope of glory” (Colossians 1:27).  The most important part of our marriage is knowing; knowing that Fridays come, but if we hold on to Him who gives us our hope, if we live in love, forgiveness, grace, and reconciliation, then our Sundays are coming too.

     I don’t know what Fridays you’ve already lived through,  what Friday you might be experiencing now, or what Fridays lie ahead, but please don’t give up on your mate.  Please don’t forget God is always with us.  Please don’t lose hope.  Hold on to Christ, and hold on to your mate, because Easter Sunday is coming.

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Is your church doing everything it can to help facilitate healthy marriages?  Are you sure?  The Marriage-Friendly Church is available now and gives you the questions every church needs to be asking.  Available at 21st Century Christian or on Amazon.com

If you are in the Middle Tennessee area, I will be presenting a seminar based on The Marriage-Friendly Church at the Caring Connections Conference, Friday, May 10, 2013 from 10:15 to 11:30 a.m.  Go to agapenashville.org for more info and to register.

Top photo Image credit: <a href='http://www.123rf.com/photo_10095871_upset-couple-sitting-on-bed-separately.html'>wavebreakmediamicro / 123RF Stock Photo</a>

What defines you?

     What defines you?  Most people are defined by their jobs.  That’s why when we introduce ourselves to others, almost always the first question is “What do you do?”  Even when the question isn’t asked, that’s what we usually default to; “I’m a minister,” or “I’m a nurse,” or “I’m a manager,” or “I’m a stay-at-home mom,” or “I’m a (insert your own occupation here).”  You get the idea.

     Occasionally someone may define themselves by a hobby, or by some past accomplishment.  “I’m an avid golfer,” or “I ran seven marathons last year.”  Because our identity is the basis for our self-worth, sometimes people may exaggerate, aggrandize, or even outright lie about what they actually do or what they have accomplished.

     So how much of your identity comes from your marriage?  Because we live in a country and culture that holds individualism as a sacred right, the vast majority of people reject the idea that one can be content, let alone blessed, by finding their identity in a relationship with someone else.  A woman may say she loves her husband, but she wants to “make a name for herself” and not be dependent on him.  A husband may neglect his wife in order to advance in his career, all the while justifying his pursuit of individual achievement as “providing for his family.”

     Yet, Christian marriage is a calling.  When you say “I do,” God says, “The two will become one flesh.” (Mark 10:8)  While the concept of “one flesh” can be lived out in a variety of ways in a marriage, at its core, “one flesh” should be the most powerful identity marker a married couple has.  In becoming one flesh, you become one together and one with God.  Your physical oneness is a direct reflection of the spiritual oneness that exists between Father, Son, and Spirit.  As husband and wife, you are jointly called to participate in the Kingdom of God.  Your relationship together is then defined by lives of love, forgiveness, joy, peace, patience, mercy, grace, and kindness toward each other.  A loving, covenant, Christian marriage isn’t just an identity marker, it is a doorway into deeper spirituality, intimacy, and connectedness between a husband and wife.   
     In no way does this minimize a husband or wife’s use of the unique talents God has given.  It simply means we rise above the culture’s pull to find a self-centered, prideful, self-worth that minimizes you and your spouse's shared covenant and calling in the Kingdom of God.

     If you want to know who I am, I am Lisa’s husband, because through our marriage I am consistently brought closer to God.  May the Lord bless me to always find my identity in Him reflected through my identity in her.

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 Is your church doing everything it can to help facilitate healthy marriages?  Are you sure?  The Marriage-Friendly Church is available now and gives you the questions every church needs to be asking.  Available at 21st Century Christian or on Amazon.com

If you are in the Middle Tennessee area, I will be presenting a seminar based on The Marriage-Friendly Church at the Caring Connections Conference, Friday, May 10, 2013 from 10:15 to 11:30 a.m.  Go to agapenashville.org for more info.

Top photo Image credit: <a href='http://www.123rf.com/photo_17663236_man-obsessed-by-work-sleeping-in-bed-with-beautiful-woman.html'>zaretskaya / 123RF Stock Photo</a>

When was the last time?

When was the last time you told your spouse “I love you,” and she/he knew you really mean it?

When was the last time you surprised your spouse with an unexpected gift?

When was the last time you thanked your spouse for the things she/he does to make your life better?

When was the last time you looked at the stars together?

When was the last time you did one of your spouse’s household chores, just to make his/her life easier?

When was the last time you prayed with your spouse and not just prayed for him/her?

When was the last time you gave your spouse a handwritten love note?

When was the last time you just simply said “I’m sorry” rather than trying to defend an action that hurt your spouse?

When was the last time you held hands in public?

When was the last time you complimented your spouse on something he/she was doing?

When was the last time you read scripture together?

When was the last time you had a date night?

When was the last time you told your spouse how much you are attracted to her/him?

When was the last time you did something together for the Kingdom of God?

When was the last time you stayed up all night talking?

When was the last time you gave up something you wanted to do in order to do something your spouse wanted to do?

When was the last time you listened to your spouse’s heart beat?

When was the last time you told someone else how wonderful your spouse is?

When was the last time you took a walk together?

When was the last time you felt like you and your spouse truly are “one flesh”?

The little things matter.  Don't forget to be attentive to the little things that consistently communicate your love.

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 Is your church doing everything it can to help facilitate healthy marriages?  Are you sure?  The Marriage-Friendly Church is available now and gives you the questions every church needs to be asking.  Available at 21st Century Christian or on Amazon.com