When was the last time you thanked God for your sex life? When was the last time you and your spouse together thanked God for your sex life? For some people, this is a really, really weird question. After many years of premarital counseling, I’ve noticed that often couples who grew up with a strong church background are the ones most reluctant to embrace sex as a spiritual blessing. The 8th Axiom of Marriage says, “God created sex and sex is good, but it is only a part of a holistic intimacy (that includes other forms of physical intimacy, emotional intimacy, intellectual intimacy, social intimacy, and spiritual intimacy)”
God created sex, and sex is good. I certainly don’t mean that in a flippant way. Scripture tells us that everything God made is good, and Genesis 1:27-28 tells us that God made them male and female and God told them to reproduce (have sex) and fill the earth. And God didn’t just create the act of sex. He created humanity to be sexual beings, giving us marriage as a holy relationship for sexual expression. In 1 Corinthians 7:1-5, Paul reminds couples to not just have sex, but to have sex often so that a husband and a wife can please each other in a holy and righteous way, and not be tempted to dishonor God through reckless, misplaced sexual behaviors. The Song of Songs celebrates the sexual relationship. Both the Lover and the Beloved describe sex as a delicacy they anxiously desire to share with each other. “Your lips drop sweetness as the honeycomb, my bride; milk and honey are under your tongue…Blow on my garden, that its fragrance may spread everywhere. Let my beloved come into his garden and taste its choice fruits.” (Song of Songs 4:11, 16)
God created sex, and sex is good. Sex is meant to be a monogamous relationship between one man and one woman and kept within the context of marriage for the purpose of procreation and recreation. But sex is also very powerful. Sex, if abused and taken out of the context God intended, can harm a marriage and destroy any true sense of intimacy and goodness. Sex can be used to coerce, demean, or belittle one’s mate as easily as it can be used to bring pleasure and intimate connection to a marriage. Because sex is so powerful, God (who knows infinitely more than us) provides boundaries for sexual expression between a husband and wife. Those boundaries protect us and enhance intimacy and spiritual growth (for more on the boundaries God gives us for sexual expression, click here).
But you can’t base a marriage on sex alone. While the sexual relationship should not be minimized or separated from your Christian life, if the sexual act is your only means of expressing intimacy it will eventually become a selfish, performance-driven act rather than an holy expression of joy and celebration that blesses you and your mate. Using your physical presence to make your spouse feel safe, comforted, and connected, caring about what your mate thinks, truly hearing your lover’s heart in both joy and pain, connecting into your spouse’s world through his/her daily interactions, and protecting your covenant lover’s soul and spirit as you serve God’s Kingdom together—all of these are ways we connect intimately with our mates. And when we deepen our intimate connections in all areas, it can’t help but to enhance and bless your sex life as well.
Pay attention to your sexual relationship. Enjoy this wonderful way of engaging each other that God has given to you and your spouse alone to enjoy and share together. Connect intimately with your spouse in multiple ways. Cherish the intimate connections you have with your spouse, knowing that God created sex, and sex is good.
To see the 10 Axioms of Marriage, click here.
To read a more detailed explanation of
The 1st Axiom of Marriage, click here
The 2nd Axiom of Marriage, click here
The 3rd Axiom of Marriage, click here
The 4th Axiom of Marriage, click here
The 5th Axiom of Marriage, click here
The 6th Axiom of Marriage, click here
The 7th Axiom of Marriage, click here