Don't take it for granted

     I have a handicap.  It’s not obvious, and it’s certainly nothing for which I’m going to get a special license plate, a placard on my rearview mirror, or a closer parking spot.  In many ways, it doesn’t drastically affect my daily life.  And sometimes, I even forget about it.  So what’s wrong with me?  Well, today, February 18, 2014 marks four years since I lost my senses of smell and taste due to a traumatic head injury.

     I know that not being able to smell or taste is drastically different than not being able to see, or hear, or walk.  And, I know I am blessed to still be alive.  (In the past four years, I’ve seen many reports of others who suffered similar injuries and didn’t make it.)  I don’t ever want to compare my situation to those kinds of losses.  But my handicap still affects my life in deep ways.

     The most profound effect losing my smell and taste had is that it makes me more keenly aware of what I used to take for granted.  I desperately miss the smell of my wife; her lotion, the way her hair smells right after she washes it.  I miss the smell of clean sheets or fresh laundry.  I miss the smells and tastes of the meals that Lisa so lovingly prepares for our family.  I can't share an ice cream cone with my son and know how good it is.  It saddens me to think that I won’t be able to smell my daughters on their wedding day, or taste the wedding cake.

     Believe it or not, I’m not saying this to make you feel sorry for me.  I know I am blessed beyond anything I could ask or imagine.  I’m saying this to remind you to not take the little things for granted.  God has blessed us with wonderful ways to sense and interact with our mates.  Everything—sight, hearing, smell, taste, and touch—helps us to better connect with our spouses.  Through shared sensory experiences, couples can build intimacy, elevate communication, provide comfort, and find greater joy in marriage.

     So, let her know she looks beautiful to you.  When he comes in stinking from a long day, let him know how much you appreciate his hard work for your family.  Make sure she hears your love in words that affirm her to her very core.  Thank him for being “the grill-master” as you savor every bite.  Thank God when you gently stroke her hair, or she holds you close, or you share loving touches together.

     Let your senses awaken an appreciation of your mate you haven’t considered before.  Please, don’t take it for granted.  I would give anything to smell my wife again.

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Know someone interested in creating or working on a powerful marriage ministry, but they don't know where to start?  The Marriage-Friendly Church is available now and gives you the questions every church needs to be asking.  Available at 21st Century Christian or on Amazon.com

Image credit: <a href='http://www.123rf.com/photo_20087893_young-man-enjoying-smell-of-hair-of-his-sweetheart.html'>pressmaster / 123RF Stock Photo</a>

More than just one day

     Today is Valentine’s Day, and while it's great to pursue romance for a day, real intimacy and connection needs to be a continually part of your relationship.  I want to re-share a suggestion for a gift for your spouse that I shared last year around Valentine's Day.  It won’t cost you much and can keep on giving for weeks, months, and even years beyond a single holiday.  (This isn’t just tied to Valentine’s Day.  It can be done anytime of the year.)

     First, make a list of one hundred things you love about your spouse.  Yes, one hundred.  They can be big things, little things, daily things, special things, intimate things, ways your spouse blesses your life—whatever you can think of.  Just be specific so that there's no question about what you're referring to and why that reason makes you love your spouse more.

     Then, buy 100 blank business cards and a business card holder that can hold 100 cards.  You can get these supplies at Wal-Mart, Target, or any office supply store, and your total investment should be about $20 or less.

     Next, print the reasons you love your spouse on the cards, one reason per card, and be sure to number the cards 1 of 100, 2 of 100, etc.

     Then, hide all of the cards (except the first one) around the house in places that match the reason you’re stating for loving your spouse.  For instance, if you have a card that says, “I love you because you always fix great meals,” you could put that card in the pantry.

If you have a card that says, “I love you because you’re a great kisser,” you might place that card where she keeps her lipstick

If you have a card that says, “I love you because I always have clean clothes,” you could leave that one with the laundry supplies.

Or if you have a card that says, “I love you because you always pray with me,” you might tuck that card in his Bible. 

And where you hide the cards can be as creative as under the pillow, to your mate's underwear drawer, to the steering wheel of his/her car, to the bathroom mirror, to taping it to the ceiling above your spouse's spot in the bed.  You get the idea.

     Finally, give your spouse the card holder with the first card already in it.  Let your spouse know you really love him/her and that over the next several days or weeks (or however long it takes) he/she will be reminded of those reasons as new cards are discovered.  (The “x of 100” numbering on the cards will let your spouse know how many total cards he/she is looking for, and help track how many cards are still out there to be discovered.)  Eventually, your mate will have a card holder full of expressions of your love for him/her.  This will be something your spouse can continually go back to, to remind him/her of your adoration and your commitment to your marriage covenant. 

     Encouragement is a powerful tool for keeping a marriage strong and keeping intimacy alive.  For just a couple of hours of time and effort, you can say something positive to your mate for years to come.

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Know someone interested in creating or working on a powerful marriage ministry, but they don't know where to start?  The Marriage-Friendly Church is available now and gives you the questions every church needs to be asking.  Available at 21st Century Christian or on Amazon.com

The "same old thing" can be great!

     In an overly romanticized culture, with short attention spans and an aversion to established routines, it can be easy to criticize “sameness” as bad for marriage.  And, in some cases, it can be.  But regular rituals between you and your mate can be a powerful reminder of your love for each other, the oneness you share, and the goodness of God in your relationship.

     My wife and I have a few rituals that we share.  Some are daily, some weekly, monthly, or at other regular intervals, and some “just whenever.”  Some of our rituals are serious and some of them are completely and totally silly.  Some of our rituals are things we say, and some are things we do for each other.  Regardless of how frequent it is, or what the exact words or actions are, the goal is intentionality.  These little rituals become meaningful ways of consistently reaffirming our marriage covenant.

     For example, I tell my wife “I love you” the first thing every morning when the alarm clock goes off.  She knows I love her, and I can tell her anytime during the day.  But I want my declaration of my love for her to be the absolute first thing she hears every morning.  I want that to frame her day in knowing it, and frame my day by reminding myself to show it.

     Obviously, you don’t have to do what another couple does, but be purposeful about establishing some routines, and letting those routines reaffirm, reignite, and bless each other.  Possibilities could be anything from:

• Never leave the house without giving your spouse a kiss
  
• Close out each day in prayer together
• Call at a specific time each day
• Slip love notes into his/her lunch box
• Have a code word for when you’ve had a bad day that will generate a caring response from your mate
• Text a silly picture of yourself
• Cultivate inside jokes that you won’t share with anyone outside of the two of you
• Take walks together
• Read to each other from the Song of Solomon
• Play games together
• Do something to lovingly challenge your mate
• Find a way to make your spouse laugh every day
• Have a regular pancake day (or whatever food you really love)
• Be creative together
• Quote lines from a movie or TV show you watched together
• Always save the last bite of your dessert for your spouse
• Hold hands in public
• Give your mate a foot rub at the end of every work week

It doesn't matter what stage of life you are in, you can always establish rituals that will reflect your love for each other.  Whatever you do, make sure it is meaningful and a blessing, not annoying to your spouse. (Remember, you always want to laugh with your spouse, not at him/her.)  It doesn’t have to be time consuming and it doesn’t have to cost anything.  Just be intentional, be consistent, and do something.

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Walking Together in Eden:

Finding Paradise in a Broken World

A Weekend Marriage Enrichment Retreat

Friday-Sunday, March 7-9, 2014

Edgewater at the Aquarium Hotel and Conference Center

Gatlinburg, TN

Limited to 30 couples

(Spots open for only two more couples)

Email dfcamp@gmail.com for more info

  __________________________________ 

Know someone interested in creating or working on a

powerful marriage ministry, but they don't know where to start?  The Marriage-Friendly Church is available now and gives you the questions every church needs to be asking.  Available at 21st Century Christian or on Amazon.com

Image credit: <a href='http://www.123rf.com/photo_13977385_couple-eating-pancakes.html'>auremar / 123RF Stock Photo</a>