The Christmas Story in Marriage

     “The Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us.”  That’s John’s version of the Nativity.  He doesn’t give us Joseph’s perspective like Matthew does, or focus on Mary like Luke does, and he doesn’t just skip past that part altogether like Mark.  Instead, John gives us one sentence.  God became like us.  Not for His sake, but for ours, so that we can not just know, but actually participate in the Christmas story—Christ dwelling among us!

     How does Jesus —the eternal, creative, kind, loving God— make his dwelling among you and your spouse in your marriage relationship?  We decide every day if we’re going to live as a part of God’s story, or if we are going to try and write our own story.  The problem is, when we write our own story it’s usually filled with selfishness, animosity, isolation, deceit, blame, and brokenness.  God’s story, on the other hand—a story written in the person of Jesus Christ and continually lived in his disciples—is a story of love, forgiveness, reconciliation, grace, truth, peace, and joy.

     Living in God’s story doesn’t always come easy.  It doesn’t usually come naturally.  But when we give up ourselves for the sake of Christ and for the blessing of our mates, we become a part of the greatest story ever.  We become a part of the story that began before creation, became like us in every way on the first Christmas, continues in our marriages today, and will reach into eternity.

     In marriage, every day is Christmas.  At least we should be trying our best to make it so.

 _____________________

What does God want from my marriage?

 

A Weekend Marriage Enrichment Retreat

Friday-Sunday, March 7-9, 2014

Edgewater at the Aquarium Hotel and Conference Center
Gatlinburg, TN

Limited to 30 couples

Email dfcamp@gmail.com for more info
 __________________________________ 

Looking for a great Christmas gift for someone interested in

creating or working on a powerful marriage ministry?  The Marriage-Friendly Church is available now and gives you the questions every church needs to be asking.  Available at 21st Century Christian or on Amazon.com

Tis the Season...for Stress!

     Where did you go for Thanksgiving?  What are your plans for Christmas Eve or Christmas Day?  Are your holidays normally an enjoyable time with family—a time you can laugh together, share together, and reflect on the goodness of God in your lives—or are your holidays a stress-inducing nightmare that you wish would end quickly.  (Or maybe it’s a combination of both.)  While we all dream of perfect, peaceful holidays, few find it.

     When you marry someone, you marry into a whole other family.  And with another family comes another set of holiday traditions, immediate in-laws, extended family, in-laws’ family, and an ever growing web of folks to accommodate in one way or another.  The different demands and expectations that others place on a couple, or that a couple places on themselves, can set the stage for tension and conflict throughout the holiday season.

     When Lisa and I first married and had no children, we were young and running on adrenaline and caffeine, so we raced from place to place during the holidays without much thought.  Then babies came along—and everyone likes to see the new babies—but traveling with babies and toddlers is taxing.  And as time marched on, nephews (we don’t have any nieces) grew up, moved around, and married. With each new phase of life, new circumstances were introduced.  This Thanksgiving, if we’d been able to get just our parents, their children, and their spouses and immediate in-laws’ families together it would have incorporated over fifty people and crossed at least ten different cities and six different states.  (And our family isn’t that big compared to many others.)

     The holidays can be a festive time, but they can also be a time of anger, conflict, and stress in a marriage.  So how can a husband and wife protect their marriage, honor their families, and still enjoy the holidays?  Every couple has to figure out how to navigate the waters themselves depending on their circumstances, but here are a few general thoughts:

• First, create your own traditions and guard them zealously.  If Santa comes to your house on Christmas morning, don’t let someone guilt you into giving that up.  Set boundaries together long before the holiday season hits, deciding where you will and will not go and what you will and will not do, and stick to those boundaries.
• Second, recognize that things may have to change as your family changes.  Kids grow up.  In-laws are introduced into the equation.  Jobs change.  People move.  Health changes.  Seek some normalcy, but recognize that life happens.
• Third, don’t become what you say you don’t like.  Think about the things that cause you stress during the holidays, and don’t do the same thing to others.  If you felt guilty every time you heard “I guess they just won’t get to see their grandparents on Christmas day,” then don’t do the same to your kids.  If you hated running to a dozen different places, don’t ask your family to spend the entire holiday on the road.  And certainly, don’t use manipulative tactics to satisfy your own selfishness.
• And finally, don’t miss out on the spiritual blessing of the holiday.  The word “holiday” means “holy day.”  Make it a priority to let the holidays include at least some time of spiritual renewal for you and your spouse together.

     Nobody wants to offend and alienate family, especially during a time that’s supposed to be joyful and peaceful.  Ultimately you have to decide if you are going to be angry and resentful (at your spouse, at your in-laws, or at anyone else), or if you’re going to let the holiday be a blessing to you and to your marriage.

______________________

What does God want from my marriage?

  A Weekend Marriage Enrichment Retreat

Friday-Sunday, March 7-9, 2014

Edgewater at the Aquarium Hotel and Conference Center
Gatlinburg, TN

Limited to 30 couples

Email dfcamp@gmail.com for more info

__________________________________

 

Looking for a great Christmas gift for someone interested in creating or working on a powerful marriage ministry?  The Marriage-Friendly Church is available now and gives you the questions every church needs to be asking.  Available at 21st Century Christian or on Amazon.com

A Cliché Thanksgiving Post

     During this time of year, it seems rather cliché to say something about appreciating and being thankful for your spouse.  It’s probably even more cliché to say something like, “And we need to be mindful to vocalize our appreciation all year ‘round, and not just at Thanksgiving.”  Yeah, it is cliché.

     But here’s the problem.  We either laugh at the cliché or we resent it, but both responses are because we know that in our overly busy lives, it is far too often true.  Think about it.  When was the last time you thanked your mate for putting up with your oddities (yep, you have some)?  When was the last time you thanked your spouse for an encouraging word?  For helping you with something?  For loving you unconditionally?  For listening?  For your sexual relationship?  For a hug when you needed one?  For caring enough to tell you to lay off too much dessert?  For laughing with you?  For challenging you to do better?  For holding you accountable?  For helping you to understand something?  For taking time off just to be with you?  For watching your favorite movie with you, even if they hate it?  For sharing a dessert?  For a phone call or text, just to say “I’m thinking about you”?  For a home-cooked meal?  For a date night?  For being a good parent to your children?  For holding your hand?  For believing in your dreams?  For dreaming with you?  For making life sweeter and more bearable because of how they treat you?  For praying for you and praying with you?

     And as you contemplate whether or not you’ve thanked your mate for doing those things for you, also consider whether or not you’ve given him/her a reason to thank you for the same.
     Yeah, it's cliché.  Now go do it.

______________________

What does God want from my marriage?

  A Weekend Marriage Enrichment Retreat

Friday-Sunday, March 7-9, 2014

Edgewater at the Aquarium Hotel and Conference Center
Gatlinburg, TN

Limited to 30 couples

Email dfcamp@gmail.com for more info

__________________________________

 

Looking for a great Christmas gift for someone interested in creating or working on a powerful marriage ministry?  The Marriage-Friendly Church is available now and gives you the questions every church needs to be asking.  Available at 21st Century Christian or on Amazon.com