It's hard to believe we're already almost a week into the new year. So
what’s it going to be for 2015? Lose
weight? Start a new career path? Get control of finances? Exercise
more? Study your Bible and pray regularly? Be more helpful to others?
It’s that time of year that many folks think
about New Year’s resolutions; those things we can do to look better, act
better, be better. Although our
resolutions may have an effect on those we love, most New Year’s
resolutions
are individually motivated. But have you
and your spouse ever considered setting some joint New Year’s
resolutions? Not just individual actions that might
directly or indirectly benefit your mate, but a conscientious decision
to work
together toward a united goal.
As you and your spouse set New Year resolutions together, remember that
achieving your goal will take:
- Honest communication—You have to be willing to assess the growth areas of your
relationship, and willing to be truthful (painfully truthful if necessary) about what you need to do to
improve in those areas in the coming year.
This is a joint endeavor, so don’t approach it as “a list of things my
spouse needs to do differently to make our marriage better.” As you talk, remember to focus on your own
responsibility in both creating and changing or improving whatever situation
needs to be addressed, and avoid casting blame or playing the victim. Communication must be honest, open, and free
flowing. Without communication, a
relationship will die.
- Sacrifice—We easily understand that if you want to lose weight and
get fit, sleeping through your workout time and excessively eating pie is not
going to get you there. To get what you
want, you must negotiate or eliminate the things that stand in your way. The same applies for a couple’s marriage
resolutions. If needed, both spouses
must be willing to give up things or rearrange schedules to achieve their goals. (More often than not, it is a matter of giving
up our own self-centered desires for the good of a better, healthier marriage.) Certainly sacrifice is not easy, but
those who endure it have greater results which leads to greater joy and
connectedness between husband and wife.
- Patience—The greater the change the more time it will likely
take. On an individual level, you don’t
decide you want to lose 50 pounds and then expect the weight to be gone in a
week. As you work toward your goal, now
and again you will see the scale go up, but you don’t give up because overall
the trend is moving in the right direction.
The same applies to marriage resolutions. You have to give ample time to get to desired
result, and you will have to have patience with your spouse as he/she also
navigates the necessary sacrifices and changes.
- Encouragement—Remember you are one flesh, so to encourage your mate is to
encourage yourself. Every wife needs to
hear that the goals you’ve set together are worthy. Every husband needs to know he is never alone
in pursuing those goals. Every couple
needs to be proactive in lifting each other up and helping each other move forward in
improving their marriage covenant relationship.
- Don’t try to take on too much—The fastest route to burnout is to try to do too
much too quickly. But on the flip side, don’t make
excuses not to make changes that need to be made. There’s always a reason to quit or to never
begin at all. Don’t let the devil make
you content with a marriage that is far below what God intends for husband and
wife to share together.
- Celebration—As you reach milestones in achieving your joint goals, be sure to take the time to celebrate together. If it is all work and no play, you will begin to resent your effort in achieving your goals rather than finding joy in your mate and what you can do together.
I don’t know what you and your spouse need to do in 2015, but as you
discuss your New Year’s resolutions as a couple don’t forget to pray together
through the process. Ask God to lead you
to make the changes most needed for your marriage. And, once you’re decided upon the changes you
need to make, write it down and put it somewhere that you will see it on a
regular basis. The problem with most
resolutions is that they never get past being good
intentions—nebulous ideas that seem like worthy goals, but are rarely implemented. When you write something down and keep it
in front of you, it becomes a concrete goal.
It puts you in a position of being responsible and being accountable to
yourself and to your mate.
Most significantly, resolve to make your marriage mean something for the
Kingdom of God in 2015! Find a joint
ministry, a joint purpose, a way to serve together. Find something—anything—that allows your
marriage to be Kingdom-focused. If you
do that, you will make no greater resolution for 2015.
