In the Marriage and the Christian Home class that I teach to undergrads at Lipscomb University, over the course of the semester I give the students what I call The 10 Axioms of Marriage. An axiom is a starting point from which one can build. It is an underlying truth, a foundation for growth. I believe that if students commit to knowing and understanding these 10 axioms, it will bless their marriage relationships, help center their marriages in Christ, and help them to see marriage as a powerful calling in the Kingdom of God . The 10 Axioms of Marriage are:
- At its heart, marriage is a theological relationship.
- You have baggage and your spouse has baggage, and you both bring that into the marriage.
- Guard your heart and mind, because your perception will become your reality.
- We all have an innate need to feel heard. When you have a voice, you have value.
- Without communication, a relationship will die.
- Conflict is not abnormal and does not have to be destructive to a marriage.
- Controlling a healthy environment (this is NOT the same as trying to control your mate) is the best way to manage conflict.
- God created sex and sex is good, but it is only a part of a holistic intimacy that also involves emotional intimacy, intellectual intimacy, social intimacy, spiritual intimacy, and non-sexual forms of physical intimacy.
- Your resources always flow to your priorities. Where you spend your time and your money indicates where your priorities lie within a marriage.
- In marriage, THINGS WILL CHANGE, and your relationship will be dependent on how you and your spouse navigate changes.
Which of these axioms do you most relate to? Which are you and your spouse doing well with? Which are you struggling with?
No two marriages are exactly alike, and context always determines how these axioms are experienced and lived out in a covenant Christian marriage relationship. But these axioms are the structural skeleton —a necessary starting point— for deeper conversation and understanding with your mate.
Over the next few days, I will expand on The 10 Axioms of Marriage and give some context to those statements, but I would be interested in hearing, what are the axioms by which you and your spouse live? And more importantly, is what you're currently living by the axioms you want to define your marriage?