What comes out when you get squeezed?

     There is a crisis of integrity in our culture.  You don’t have to look too far to see a politicians lying to his constituents, a CEO misrepresenting her company’s profitability, or an employee fudging his hours worked on a time card.  It happens all around us—everything from cheating a store that gives too much change to encouraging a friend to do something dishonest to lying to a person in a position of authority.

     Sadly, the lack of integrity is not just relegated to people who are blatantly dishonest and worldly.  There is also a crisis of integrity among people who claim to be Christians, and certainly there can be a lack of integrity in Christian marriages.

     Integrity is an essential part of any godly, healthy relationship.  If you cannot trust your mate, you cannot communicate effectively, resolve conflict, share intimacy, grow spiritually, or otherwise progress as a couple.

     Secrets and lies that can compromise integrity in a marriage can range from manipulating money (secret credit cards, undisclosed debt, secretly keeping back part of a paycheck), to hidden addictions (shopaholic, pornography, alcohol and/or drugs), to being flirtatious with a co-worker, to a full blown affair (emotional or physical), to any number of other deceptions.

     Someone will be quick to say, "I know better than anyone how imperfect and sinful I am.  After all, we all mess up at various times; sometimes in small ways and sometimes in big ways.  Isn’t that what forgiveness and grace and mercy are all about?  Can anyone truly be a person of integrity?"  Certainly, these are legitimate questions.  What is the balance between being a person of integrity and being human?

     I know this is not a perfect illustration, but for me integrity is like a crème-filled donut.  When you squeeze it, what comes out?  You see, integrity is not evidenced by perfection.  If it is, then no one can ever hope to be a person of integrity.  Instead, integrity is evidenced by consistency; the way you normally are and the way you respond when pressure is applied.  When you squeeze the donut, you know what is going to come out.  It is your default setting—what you gravitate to because of who you are.

     And it goes without saying that what comes out of you is a direct result of what you put in.  What are you filling your life with?  Things that lead you to integrity in your marriage, or things that drive a wedge between you and your spouse?  How we live out our integrity day-to-day says something to our spouses.  If you are willing to lie to your boss, how truthful are you going to be with me?  If you are selfish in your relationship with your co-workers, should I expect you will be anything other than selfish with me?  If you let yourself be controlled by anger over someone cutting you off in traffic, should I expect you to explode when I do something you don’t like?  You get the point.

     If you are a person of integrity, do everything within your power to hold on to that.  If you are lacking in integrity, re-center your life and your marriage on Christ and begin building the trust that will make your marriage last a lifetime.  We all make mistakes.  We all hurt our spouses at one time or another.  We all need forgiveness and grace and mercy freely bestowed.  But what’s inside you?  What comes out when you get squeezed?

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What does God want from my marriage?

  A Weekend Marriage Enrichment Retreat

Friday-Sunday, September 13-15, 2013

Fall Creek Falls State Park Inn

Limited to 25 couples

Email dfcamp@gmail.com for more info

__________________________________

 

Is your church doing everything it can to help facilitate healthy marriages?  Are you sure?  The Marriage-Friendly Church is available now and gives you the questions every church needs to be asking.  Available at 21st Century Christian or on Amazon.com

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If you are in the Rutherford/ Davidson/ Wilson County, TN area and are looking for a great marriage small group, A Blessed Promise will meet every Wednesday night in August, September, and October at 7 p.m. at the Smyrna Church of Christ.  This class will help couples see their marriage as a wonderful and unique participation in the Kingdom of God.  As couples study God’s Word they will see how His love, grace, forgiveness, and mercy are lived and taught within the context of marriage, and how a Christian couple’s marriage can be one of the most powerful witnesses of Christ to those around them.  The class will be made up of several discussion-based small groups with people who are either already married or looking toward marriage. (Childcare for all ages will be provided through the Wednesday night Bible class program.)

A safe harbor

     Do you know what the first thing the Bible says was NOT good? It was man’s loneliness (Genesis 2:18).  God created Adam and made him very special, sharing a relationship with God unlike anything else in all of creation. Yet Adam’s uniqueness was also his problem. God walked with him in the garden, but one was the creation and the Other the Creator. There was no one else like Adam for him to relate to. God saw Adam’s loneliness. Adam’s loneliness was no oversight on God’s part.  In fact, it was part of God’s plan to make a suitable companion for Adam so that Adam could fully experience the community of one flesh; a human reflection of the Divine relationship.

     God created us to be relational, social, interactive beings. He never intended for us to live life alone. We all need someone we can share our burdens with, someone who we can be ourselves around with no pretenses, someone who will encourage and lift us up, but who will also help us be accountable to God. We need someone who will act as a “safe harbor” for us amid the storms of life.

     In marriage, our mate is to be our safe harbor. By being there for each other and being physically, emotionally, socially, intellectually, and most of all spiritually “naked and not ashamed” before each other, a husband and wife are able to share dreams and expectations, hopes and fears, to communicate and grow ever closer together.  Too many voices in our culture scream out at husbands and wives, telling them to be self-reliant, to trust no one, and to go at it alone.  But that’s just not the way God made us, and that’s not God’s intent for marriage.

     Let your spouse be that safe harbor you need to deal with life’s stresses (and hopefully he/she already is).  Look to your mate when you need help, and make yourself available to your mate when he/she needs you.  Sometimes life is pleasant.  Sometimes life is difficult.  But when you walk the road with a loving marriage-covenant partner, you can double your joys and half your sorrows just by virtue of having a safe harbor.  What are you doing to be a safe harbor for your mate?

_______________________

What does God want from my marriage?

  A Weekend Marriage Enrichment Retreat

Friday-Sunday, September 13-15, 2013

Fall Creek Falls State Park Inn

Limited to 25 couples

Email dfcamp@gmail.com for more info

__________________________________

 

Is your church doing everything it can to help facilitate healthy marriages?  Are you sure?  The Marriage-Friendly Church is available now and gives you the questions every church needs to be asking.  Available at 21st Century Christian or on Amazon.com

________________________________ 

If you are in the Rutherford/ Davidson/ Wilson County, TN area and are looking for a great marriage small group, A Blessed Promise (Marriage Small Groups) will meet every Wednesday night in August, September, and October at 7 p.m. at the Smyrna Church of Christ.  This class will help couples see their marriage as a wonderful and unique participation in the Kingdom of God.  As couples study God’s Word they will see how His love, grace, forgiveness, and mercy are lived and taught within the context of marriage, and how a Christian couple’s marriage can be one of the most powerful witnesses of Christ to those around them.  The class will be made up of several discussion-based small groups with people who are either already married or looking toward marriage. (Childcare for all ages will be provided through the Wednesday night Bible class program.)