Wednesday, May 9, 2018

The only rule...


“The race is not always to the swift, but also to those who can keep running.”
When we think of a race, we almost always think about speed.  But the fastest sprinter usually won’t win the marathon.  It takes a different mentality to be “in it for the long haul.”
     When I train for long distance running, I have one rule—don’t stop.  There are times I go faster, there are times I go slower, and there are even times that I limp along wondering if my legs are going to quit on me.  But no matter where I am in training, where I am along the course, whatever I am doing, I have conditioned myself to always repeat the mantra, “Keep moving.  No matter what, do not stop.”  Because my mind is fully immersed in that thought, when the pain comes there is no room for anything else—no room for excuses, no room for rationalizations, no room for quitting because, frankly, sometimes it would just be easier to quit.  There is only the rule…don’t stop.
     Christian marriage is not a sprint.  It is a marathon.  Whether you have been married for less than five weeks or for more than fifty years, “till death do we part” is the covenant promise you make as you commit yourself to the marathon.  There will be hills and valleys, times when you are joyfully running together at full speed, and times when you are agonizingly crawling along feeling all alone.  But wherever you are at, don’t give up on your marriage and don’t stop moving forward.*
     Now don’t misunderstand my analogy.  I hate when people talk negatively about marriage and they use the phrase “in it for the long haul” as if marriage is a dreadful thing that you must endure. It is a joyful covenant relationship between two people that is rooted in Christ.  But I am also a realist.  Couples have conflict, trust is sometimes broken, disappointments come, selfishness and pride have a way of showing themselves, things occur that are beyond your control as an individual or as a couple—in short, life happens.  But if you stay centered in Christ, if you continue to humble and submit yourself to Him and to your mate, leaning on and encouraging each other as you run, then “till death do we part” will be a joyful journey with your covenant lover.
     Keep running.  There is an amazing victory at the end for those who persevere.  And if you follow the rule, even in the most difficult of times, you just might be surprised how much you and your spouse enjoy the race together—both in the moment and in retrospect.

*This post is meant to address normal difficulties that occur within a marriage relationship.  It is not meant to address extreme addictions, abuse, or other forms of marital conflict that require professional clinical counseling.  If there is conflict in your relationship that presents danger to your well-being—physically, mentally, emotionally, or in any way—or if you live in a state of fear due to conflict, seek immediate professional and protective help.

Thursday, May 3, 2018

The Pack Mentality


     This past Saturday, along with my wife, my daughters, and tens of thousands of others, I ran the Country Music Half Marathon.  As I ran along the 13.1 mile course, it quickly occurred to me that I wasn’t really paying attention to where I was going.  When I picked up my race number and the tag that clocked my time, they gave me a map of the course.  I could have studied the map and been familiar with every turn, every hill, every straightaway.  But instead, from start to finish I just followed the pack.  If you’ve ever run a marathon or half marathon, you know that unless you’re the person in the lead, you’re constantly surrounded by hundreds of others, mostly moving in unison, as some surge ahead and some fall behind.  But most of us are just going with the flow.
     I wonder if we don’t do that in marriage sometimes—finding ourselves just going along with whatever is happening around us, letting the world plot a course for what we believe about marriage, about love, about intimacy, about commitment, about family, about integrity toward one’s spouse, and so many other aspects of the marriage relationship.
     I understand the pack mentality.  I really do.  It takes less effort.  It seems right because everyone else around me is going the same way.  There’s certainly safety and confidence in numbers.  But what if they’re wrong?  What if they took a wrong turn?  What if someone took a shortcut in his or her relationship, and rather than pay attention and try to correct the course, the next person just followed suit?  Pretty soon, the wrong way will become the norm.
     As you run the race that is Christian marriage—for better or for worse, in times of plenty and in times of want, in sickness and in health, forsaking all others, till death do you part—make sure you know where you’re going.  Look for landmarks that you’re on the right path, and be confident that if you are centering your marriage on Christ, the One leading the race is always taking you in the right direction.