Have you ever been at that point in your marriage? Marriage is always a challenge, because you
are bringing together two imperfect people who will make mistakes from time to
time. Any marriage will have times of
joy, excitement, and life, but it will also have times of sadness, stress, and
lifeless broken-heartedness. When we are
walking through the dark valleys of pain and loneliness, we want to know
when it will finally be over and we will see the sun again. “The car repair will cost how much?”
“Are you sure that is the diagnosis?”
“Our child was caught doing what?”
“My job is being ‘phased out’ how soon?”
“How much longer does my sister have?”
“Why is our church in such an uproar?”
“Where will we find the time to take care of that?”
When the days come, and your marriage
feels the strain of your seemingly never ending "winter of discontent," here are
a few things that can make the long nights easier.
First,
do your best to maintain a healthy environment for your marriage.
Encourage each other. Show gratitude. Give compliments. As you are able, take on tasks
the other one normally does. Speak your love and show your
love, even if the emotion is not present at the moment. This is not
always easy, especially if you
feel like lately all you do is argue, but it is so important during
these times
to do everything you can to cultivate a good environment.
Second, pray together often. Pray during times of conflict. Pray honestly. Pray humbly.
Give God thanks as much as you pray for things you need. Pray for each
other. Especially pray with each other.
Third, don’t isolate yourself. It is easy to feel alone during stressful
times. Sometimes a spouse doesn’t know
what to say to his/her mate, but the mistake we make is withdrawing if we don’t
know what to say. If you mate is
hurting, just be present for him/her. One
of the greatest blessings of marriage is that you have someone to walk with you
through the dark valley.
Fourth, forgive. Your spouse will make mistakes, but you will
too. If you both keep score of offenses,
you will be locked in a downward spiral.
Failure to forgive is poison to a marriage relationship.
Fifth, find hope. During stressful times, it is easy to see
everything through a dark filter.
Celebrate every victory, no matter how seemingly insignificant, and keep
your hope alive. If a dark shadow is
hovering over your relationship, look for any place that a sunbeam can break
through. Our perception becomes our reality,
and hope creates a positive perspective that will help a couple survive.
In case you didn’t hear, Punxsutawney Phil did not see his shadow this morning. If
you believe large rodents can predict the weather, we are in for an early spring. Spring is coming! Even if the
shadows of your current circumstances mean prolonged or even permanent changes
in your relationship, find your hope in God and your strength in each
other. Spring is just around the corner.
