Finding A Greater Purpose

We Believe

that in the beginning God created humanity to be in relationship with Him. He created man and woman in His image (Gen. 1:26-27). Adam and Eve were created with a distinct purpose, to work together in God’s kingdom, participating with God by caring for creation and procreating (Gen. 1:28; 2:15). At creation, humanity’s existence was fully focused on God. The physical life and the spiritual life were one together, and God was in their midst (Gen. 1-2).

We Recognize

that we fail to live out God’s intent for husband and wife to participate with God.  Sin entered the world breaking our spiritual and physical connection with God. With this came isolation, shame, fear, guilt, blame, loss of communication, and brokenness. Sin disrupts the marriage relationship and disrupts God’s intent for husband and wife to partner together with Him to work in His Kingdom (Gen. 3).

We Rejoice

that through the death and resurrection of our Lord Christ Jesus, God is calling husbands and wives back to a restored relationship with Him (2 Cor. 5:21). In Christ, God is calling us to participate in this reconciliation (2 Cor. 5:18-20). Through this participation, married couples are called to seek holiness, living lives of love, forgiveness, grace, healing, restoration, submission, and sacrificial living; with each other, within the church family, and toward the larger world of which we are a part. In Christ, husbands and wives participate together in reclaiming the relationship God established at creation, offer hope to others, and seek to reconcile the world back to God.

In Marriage

husband and wife are “one flesh” (Gen. 2:23-24), working together in God’s Kingdom and sharing a common unity and a common purpose (Gen. 2:18). While the specifics of how a husband and wife participate will differ from one couple to another, we believe a husband and wife’s ongoing, joint participation is their intentional choice to please God and serve the cause of Christ (2 Cor. 5:15). We believe God is calling us to live out this gospel of reconciliation as a path for husbands and wives to pursue together for the sake of the world.

     The statement above is a slightly edited version of my church's marriage theology statement.  Why have a marriage theology statement?  If the only difference between Christian marriage and any other marriage is that we go to church on Sunday, what does that say about how we view marriage as a spiritual union?

     God didn’t intend for a husband and wife to share a home, some bills, a bed, and an occasional day off, and that be all there is to marriage. He intends for us to use our marriages to further His kingdom and to be salt and light to the world around us.

     I hope you and your spouse have considered what God is calling you to do as a couple. It doesn’t have to be something “grand” by the world’s standards. Just be intentional.  Have a purpose in your marriage that keeps God at the center of who you are as a couple, and frequently remind each other what your joint participation (your "one flesh" participation) in the Kingdom of God is.

 What is God calling you to in your marriage?

Marriage Enrichment Weekend

August 31-September 2

Fall Creek Falls State Park Inn

Email dfcamp@gmail.com for more info

A House of Praise--Take the Challenge!

          It is easy to be critical in marriage. The longer you know someone and the more intimate you are with a person, the easier it is to know all of his/her faults, shortcomings, and insecurities.  But for some, criticism seems to be their default mode. Most people don’t set out with the intent of being constantly critical of their mate, and sometimes there is a genuine effort to help one’s mate be a better person. But we forget that unending criticism can destroy any relationship.  (Please note that I am not talking here about addictive and destructive behaviors that need to be addressed in a decisive and proactive manner, but rather criticism that springs out of normal daily conversations and routines.)  If couples aren’t careful, husbands and wives can nit-pick and critique each other so much that they forget how to praise each other.  And when that happens, at worst resentment and hostility build-up, and at best there is a cold distance that grows up between spouses.

I recognize that I need to know when I’m doing something that annoys my wife.  But I can take hearing those things much better when she is also intentional about also telling me why she loves me.  This is not just a matter of tokenly saying something “nice” to your spouse from time to time.  It is intentionally creating an environment in your marriage and in your home that communicates love, intimacy, and safety.  When praise and appreciation is the default environment in your relationship, the occasional criticism stings a whole lot less.

If you’ve been living in a critical and antagonistic marriage, you can change it.  The longer you’ve been stuck in that default, the longer it will take to turn it around, but it can be done.  If you feel like your marriage is currently in a good place, intentional praise can make it better.  Regardless of your current situation, take the following challenge this week.  Keep a running list of things your spouse does that you appreciate, no matter how small or insignificant they seem: things that he/she does for you daily that you might normally just take for granted, things that make you smile, things that make you feel safe, things that make you feel special, things that make you laugh, things that serve you in some way. Be sure to write it down. It means significantly more and is easier to remember if you write it down rather than try to keep up with it in your head.

At the end of the week, sit down and share with your spouse what she/he did that you appreciated. You’ll be amazed at what it will do for your marriage to have a concentrated time of appreciating and being appreciated.  Then, do it again next week.  And the next.  And the next.  As you intentionally create a “house of praise” you eventually won’t need a set, special time to sit down and appreciate each other.  It will just flow naturally.

Gracious words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones.

 ~Proverbs 16:24

 What is God calling you to in your marriage?

Marriage Enrichment Weekend

August 31-September 2

Fall Creek Falls State Park Inn

Email dfcamp@gmail.com for more info 

Not Just Loved -- Cherished!

It is easy to love someone.  I know not everyone is loveable, but the practice of loving someone isn’t that tough.  If you believe Paul’s description of love in 1 Corinthians 13, then treating someone with basic human dignity as a fellow image-bearer of God communicates love.  You can show patience and kindness, refrain from envy or holding grudges, not be arrogant or prideful, and live out all the various characteristics of love that Paul lists.

However, it is infinitely more difficult to cherish someone.  Cherishing someone is the direct result of being in an intimate relationship with that person.  The more intimate the relationship, the more you should cherish the person.  But, the more intimate the relationship, the more you are aware of the other person’s faults and flaws, peculiarities and struggles.  So, paradoxically, the more intimate you are with a person, the harder it is to cherish that person for the very reason that you are so intimate with him or her.

Communicating that you cherish your mate is a consistent discipline.  I don’t think my wife has ever felt unloved, but there are many times I’ve put work and other obligations on the front burner and left Lisa on the back burner.  I knew how to love her, but to my regret I was missing the mark on knowing (or at least expressing) how to cherish her.

If your spouse never feels cherished, over time he/she will become jaded and eventually shut you out.  It’s not uncommon to hear couples when they split say something to the effect, “I still love him/her, but we just can’t be together anymore.”  That is the result of not being cherished.  And, there is a direct correlation between the amount of time your mate goes without feeling cherished and how long it will take for him/her to again feel intimacy toward you.

So what’s the answer?  The first step is always to ask.  Ask your spouse if he/she feels cherished (understanding this is a very different question than asking if he/she feels loved).  Figure out immediate ways to visibly demonstrate that you cherish your mate.  This doesn’t have to be an elaborate or expensive gift-giving endeavor.  Taking a few seconds out of your busy day to call your mate (or not rushing or ignoring his/her call when you’re busy), a note in the lunch box or taped to the steering wheel, a small gift or a back rub for no reason and with no further expectations, re-watching your wedding video and talking about what you felt for each other on that day; whatever you decide to do, just be intentional, be consistent, and do something to communicate a unique specialness to your spouse.  When you cherish your spouse, you open the door to a deeper intimacy with each other and with God.

Because marriage is supposed to be the most intimate earthly relationship, a person should cherish his/her spouse beyond all else.  The way you cherish your spouse should be a direct reflection of the way you cherish God.  Being loved is good, but being cherished is far better.

 What is God calling you to in your marriage?

 

Marriage Enrichment Weekend

August 31-September 2

Fall Creek Falls State Park Inn

Email dfcamp@gmail.com for more info