It is easy to love someone. I
know not everyone is loveable, but the practice of loving someone isn’t that
tough. If you believe Paul’s description
of love in 1 Corinthians 13, then treating someone with basic human dignity as
a fellow image-bearer of God communicates love. You can show patience and
kindness, refrain from envy or holding grudges, not be arrogant or prideful,
and live out all the various characteristics of love that Paul lists.
However, it is infinitely more
difficult to cherish someone. Cherishing someone is the direct result of
being in an intimate relationship with that person. The more intimate the
relationship, the more you should cherish the person. But, the more
intimate the relationship, the more you are aware of the other person’s faults
and flaws, peculiarities and struggles. So, paradoxically, the more intimate
you are with a person, the harder it is to cherish that person for the very
reason that you are so intimate with him or her.
Communicating that you cherish your
mate is a consistent discipline. I don’t
think my wife has ever felt unloved, but there are many times I’ve put work and
other obligations on the front burner and left Lisa on the back burner. I knew how to love her, but to my regret I
was missing the mark on knowing (or at least expressing) how to cherish her.
If your spouse never feels cherished, over time he/she will become jaded and eventually shut you
out. It’s not uncommon to hear couples when they split say something to
the effect, “I still love him/her, but we just can’t be together anymore.” That is the result of not being cherished. And, there is a direct correlation between the
amount of time your mate goes without feeling cherished and how long it will take for
him/her to again feel intimacy toward you.
So what’s the answer? The first step is always to ask. Ask your spouse if he/she feels cherished
(understanding this is a very different question than asking if he/she feels
loved). Figure out immediate ways to visibly
demonstrate that you cherish your mate. This
doesn’t have to be an elaborate or expensive gift-giving endeavor. Taking a few seconds out of your busy day to
call your mate (or not rushing or ignoring his/her call when you’re busy), a
note in the lunch box or taped to the steering wheel, a small gift or a back
rub for no reason and with no further expectations, re-watching your wedding
video and talking about what you felt for each other on that day; whatever you
decide to do, just be intentional, be consistent, and do something to
communicate a unique specialness to your spouse. When you cherish your spouse, you open the
door to a deeper intimacy with each other and with God.
Because marriage is supposed to be
the most intimate earthly relationship, a person should cherish his/her spouse
beyond all else. The way you cherish your spouse should be a direct
reflection of the way you cherish God. Being
loved is good, but being cherished is far better.
What is God calling you to in your marriage?
Marriage Enrichment Weekend
August 31-September 2
Fall Creek Falls State Park Inn
Email dfcamp@gmail.com for more info
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