I really need to go gym and exercise this morning. Before that though, I need to help my wife
get the kids ready for school because she’s got to get ready for her job too. When I finally get to the gym, I’m so rushed that I wonder if it was
really worth coming. When I get to the
office this morning, I’ll have 7 emails to respond to, 4 phone calls to make,
and I’ll need to finish the report that I didn’t have time to finish yesterday
afternoon. All of that needs to be done
before my 9:00 staff meeting (that I’m leading and haven’t even begun to
prepare for). By the end of the work day
I will have been in 3 more meetings (two of which were planned, and one that
just popped up but had to be taken care of).
The lunch hour is split between a 2-month-delayed “catch up” time with a
friend, and going to the bank, the post office, and two places to pay
bills. A co-worker pops into my office
in the late afternoon and asks for 5 minutes to get advice on a project, and
before I know it, it is 45 minutes later.
When I finally leave the office, my mind is in over-drive. How I will fit
in the things that I had to table until tomorrow with the all the other things tomorrow will bring? As I pull into the
driveway 30 minutes later than what I told my wife I’d be home, I notice the
yard needs mowing, but that will have to wait because two kids have soccer
practice at two different fields in half an hour. As I walk in the house the box with my
daughter’s new dresser that needs to be put
together still lies on the floor unopened. After soccer practice and helping with
homework, its bath and bed time for the kids.
I feel guilty for rushing them to bed without a family devotional time,
but I know I’ll feel worse doing it because they are tired and will fuss and
fight through the whole thing. I try to
help my wife with some house cleaning and packing the kids’ lunches for the
next day, but I get side-tracked because the dog needs to be walked and
fed. When my wife and I finally fall
into bed, we watch a little TV, maybe share a few highlights of the day (if we
don’t fall asleep first), and then we wake up the next morning to do it all
again.
Sound familiar? One of the biggest complaints for many
couples is a lack of time for each other.
It happens in different ways at different phases of life, but work,
children, caring for aging parents, personal obligations, church obligations,
unplanned events like sickness or tragedy, going back to school, or any number
of other obstacles can destroy a couple’s time together.
So, what do we do? Work has to be done, children have to be
cared for, the house has to be cleaned, and people need us. We have so much to do, we can’t do it all, so
we constantly feel exhausted and guilty.
Occasional date nights or vacations with our spouses are nice, but the
layers of fatigue and stress often can’t be peeled away in such a very, very
short time.
Ultimately, it is up to each individual
couple to decide how they will manage their time, but here are a few things
every couple needs to remember:
Never
forget that where you spend your time is one of two main indicators of your
priorities (the other is where you spend your money, but that’s a post for
another day). If your marriage is
important to you, you will find a way to carve out meaningful time for your
spouse. Finding time together may mean
that other things have to be sacrificed, but growing your marriage is worth
whatever you give up to do so.
Attend
to the important first, not the urgent.
There will always be some “voice” screaming for your time and attention. Most of us choose to live a frenetic,
adrenaline-driven lifestyle. Let me say
that again, "most of us choose..." Learn to say “no” occasionally, and if you have a hard time saying it, ask your mate to help you to say “no” when necessary.
Understand
the necessity of a regular couple’s Sabbath time. God created us to need regular rest and
recovery. We need it physically and we
need it spiritually. Couples need to be
proactive in using that time to come closer to each other as they come closer
to God. It must be prioritized, put on
the calendar, and protected zealously.
There
will never be enough time to do everything you want to do. Remember what’s really important in the long run,
and don’t let your marriage become a casualty of a lifestyle that devours godly,
healthy relationships.
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Is your church doing everything it can to help facilitate healthy marriages? Are you sure? The Marriage-Friendly Church is available now and gives you the questions every church needs to be asking. Available at 21st Century Christian or on Amazon.com
If you are in the Middle Tennessee area, I will be presenting a session based on The Marriage-Friendly Church at the Caring Connections Conference, Friday, May 10, 2013 from 10:15 to 11:30 a.m. Go to agapenashville.org for more info and to register. Be sure to mention that you heard about the conference here on The Marriage Blog.
Top photo image credit: <a href='http://www.123rf.com/photo_11461925_businessman-adjusting-his-tie-while-looking-at-laptop.html'>inspirestock / 123RF Stock Photo</a>