When was the last
time you thanked God for your sex life? When was the last time you and
your spouse together thanked God for your sex life? For some
people, this is a really, really weird question. After many years of
premarital counseling, I’ve noticed that often couples who grew up with a
strong church background are the ones most reluctant to embrace sex as a
spiritual blessing. The 8th Axiom of Marriage says, “God
created sex and sex is good, but it is only a part of a holistic intimacy (that
includes other forms of physical intimacy, emotional intimacy, intellectual
intimacy, social intimacy, and spiritual intimacy)”
God created sex, and
sex is good. I certainly don’t mean that in a flippant way.
Scripture tells us that everything God made is good, and Genesis 1:27-28 tells
us that God made them male and female and God told them to reproduce (have sex)
and fill the earth. And God didn’t just create the act of sex. He
created humanity to be sexual beings, giving us marriage as a holy relationship
for sexual expression. In 1 Corinthians 7:1-5, Paul reminds couples to
not just have sex, but to have sex often so that a husband and a wife can
please each other in a holy and righteous way, and not be tempted to dishonor
God through reckless, misplaced sexual behaviors. The Song of Songs
celebrates the sexual relationship. Both the Lover and the Beloved
describe sex as a delicacy they anxiously desire to share with each other.
“Your lips drop sweetness as the honeycomb, my bride; milk and honey
are under your tongue…Blow on my garden, that its fragrance may spread
everywhere. Let my beloved come into his garden and taste its choice
fruits.” (Song of Songs 4:11,16)
God created sex, and
sex is good. Sex is meant to be a monogamous relationship between one man
and one woman and kept within the context of marriage for the purpose of
procreation and recreation. But sex is also very powerful. Sex, if
abused and taken out of the context God intended, can harm a marriage and
destroy any true sense of intimacy and goodness. Sex can be used to
coerce, demean, or belittle one’s mate as easily as it can be used to bring
pleasure and intimate connection to a marriage. Because sex is so powerful,
God (who knows infinitely more than us) provides boundaries for sexual
expression between a husband and wife. Those boundaries protect us and
enhance intimacy and spiritual growth (for more on the boundaries God gives us
for sexual expression, click here).
But you can’t base a
marriage on sex alone. While the sexual relationship should not be
minimized or separated from your Christian life, if the sexual act is your only
means of expressing intimacy it will eventually become a selfish,
performance-driven act rather than an holy expression of joy and celebration
that blesses you and your mate. Using your physical presence to make your
spouse feel safe, comforted, and connected, caring about what your mate thinks,
truly hearing your lover’s heart in both joy and pain, connecting into your
spouse’s world through his/her daily interactions, and protecting your covenant
lover’s soul and spirit as you serve God’s Kingdom together—all of these are
ways we connect intimately with our mates. And when we deepen our
intimate connections in all areas, it can’t help but to enhance and bless your
sex life as well.
Pay attention to
your sexual relationship. Enjoy this wonderful way of engaging each other
that God has given to you and your spouse alone to enjoy and share
together. Connect intimately with your spouse in multiple ways.
Cherish the intimate connections you have with your spouse, knowing that God created
sex, and sex is good.
_________________________
To see the 10 Axioms
of Marriage, click here.
To read a more
detailed explanation of
The 1st
Axiom of Marriage, click here
The 2nd
Axiom of Marriage, click here
The 3rd
Axiom of Marriage, click here
The 4th
Axiom of Marriage, click here
The 5th
Axiom of Marriage, click here
The 6th Axiom
of Marriage, click here
The 7th
Axiom of Marriage, click here