Good
communication is essential to a healthy marriage. In good, positive communication, timing can
be everything. When your husband comes
in angry at the world and particularly at his boss, it’s probably not the best
time to point out his boss’ positive qualities or how the boss is just making
the decisions that are best for the company.
When your wife just had a fight with her mother, it might not be the
best time to remind her how much she and her mother are alike.
The
exact same message can be received positively in certain circumstances and negatively
in others. Before you speak, weigh the
effect your words will have given the situation. Often you can say the same thing at
another time and receive a totally different reaction. Timing is everything.
Now,
please understand that saying “timing is everything” is not carte blanche permission
for one spouse to say anything he or she wants to say, and the other spouse
to just have to sit quietly and take it. We
all have times of stress, and we all have times when we need to blow off some
steam. It is important to know that our
mate is a safe place for us to do that. But
good timing is NEVER an excuse for dishing out abusive speech at your spouse or
tolerating abusive speech from your spouse.
We must do all we can to maintain the mind of Christ and the honoring of
our spouses, regardless of the circumstances.
Yes, hurtful remarks can (and should) be forgiven, but they make an
impact. Words spoken in anger cannot be
unspoken.
Also,
good timing in communication is NOT an excuse to not talk about things that
need to be discussed. Perpetually
burying something that needs to be addressed because “the time just isn’t
right” is not healthy communication and does not lead to a healthy
relationship. Eventually, things might have to be said that are not pleasant or
easy to hear. Good timing certainly is
not an excuse to gloss over those things.
But when you do proceed, carefully consider a few things. What is your emotional state when you are
speaking? What is your spouse’s
emotional state? Are you seeking a holiness
that advances the good of the relationship, or a self-centered personal
happiness that doesn’t move you and your mate closer to God?
Even
at its best, communication is a difficult process. But if you consider the timing of your
conversations, you can often avoid saying things that will negatively affect
your spouse. In good communication, so
very often, timing is everything. Remember
the words of the proverbist, “Saying the right
thing at the right time is like a golden apple in a silver setting.”
(Proverbs 25:11 ERV)
On a side note, please pause for a moment now and say a prayer for our marriage retreat coming up this weekend. We believe God will do powerful things for his Kingdom and for the good of the couples going. We continually solicit your prayers as we move toward and through this event.
Well said. Your timing could not have been better. Thank you Danny for your mission of making marriages stronger. I am thankful for you.
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