Today is my anniversary. It’s not
mine and Lisa’s wedding anniversary, but in so many ways it is still a very
significant anniversary for us as a couple.
You see, as of today, February 18, 2013, it has been 3 years since I
have smelled or tasted anything. Three years ago,
February 18, 2010 was the day I decided to go to a men’s basketball night at
the gym at my church. Before the night
was over, I was in the hospital from a severe head injury. I have no memory of
what exactly happened and how I came to be injured that night. (From what others told me and the medical evidence,
I forcefully slammed head-first into a bricko-block wall, and suffered a
traumatic brain injury.) As a result I
was bed-ridden for eleven days. And now, three years later, I still have less
than an hour of collective memory from those eleven days.
My wife later shared some interesting accounts
of what happened during that time. While I do not remember much of anything, my
wife clearly remembers how my head injury completely reoriented her world. The
most significant change was a fundamental shift in my personality. According to
my wife, I was completely out-of-my-head crazy and I became “very, very mean.”
She said I spoke harshly and critically when I spoke at all, yelling at her and
snapping at our children. The reality of how different I was during those days
sank in when Lisa later shared with me that she feared our oldest daughter
Chloe would be the only one who would remember “how Daddy really was.”
As the days slowly ticked by and Lisa
didn't see any notable changes in my condition, she started to brace herself
for the reality that she was going to have to care for an ornery, inconsiderate,
bed-ridden husband for the rest of her life. For a short period, she was
trapped with only memories of what life was before and evaporating dreams of what
life should have been.
Through constant prayer and by the grace
of God, I've had a nearly full recovery from the injury. While I still haven’t
regained any memories from the two days in the hospital and the following nine
days at home, the only long term effects of my head injury is the permanent
loss of my senses of smell and taste. I
don’t like it. Not being able to smell
or taste is depressing and problematic.
But, given many of the other possible outcomes, I’ll take it. (On a side note, Lisa and I are forever
grateful to so many in our spiritual family who helped us out during those
days, praying for me, caring for our kids, and helping Lisa when needed.)
“In sickness and in health, till death do
we part” is one of the most difficult promises a couple makes, because on their
wedding day many couples often don’t fully recognize exactly what that can encompass. But “in sickness and in health, till death do
we part” when fully lived out should give a couple the greatest sense of
security in knowing that you and your mate truly are “one flesh” and you will
be loved and cared for no matter what. I
know Lisa proved it to me, and for that I will forever thank God for giving her
to me to be my bride.
(And for those of you who are living in
the middle of “in sickness,” please accept the help of other
family members, neighbors, and especially your spiritual family. To accept help is not to abandon or betray
your mate. It is allowing your community
of faith to live out their calling in the Kingdom of God. May God bless us all to enjoy the “in health”
as long and often as possible, and give us the grace to walk with our mate
through any sickness.)
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