Come to the table

     There is something powerful about a shared meal.  The analogy of the love, grace, goodness, sharing, and intimacy that happens at the table is found all throughout Scripture.  It’s no surprise the imagery of the end times is a Heavenly Banquet in which food and wine are abundant, and God calls his bride (us) to come and share at the table.  During Jesus' ministry, some of his most meaningful connections were made at the table.

     When was the last time you and your spouse shared a meal together?  And please notice that there is a difference between eating at the same time and actually sharing in a meal together.  A shared meal is not just the “eat-and-run” gobbling up of food that satisfies a physical appetite, but rather an extended, meaningful time together at the table with no distractions; a time in which you can talk, laugh, share and connect on a deeper level.

     If you’re reading this and thinking to yourself, “I’d like that, but it just doesn’t happen,” well, you have to make it happen.  A shared meal with your mate usually doesn’t materialize automatically.  Often, it takes intentionality and planning.  Family dinners are really, really important, but your conversation is different when children or grandchildren are at the table.  For some couples, schedules don’t allow a frequently shared meal, so you may have to sacrifice something less important for something more important. (While a couple’s schedules are sometimes a legitimate reason for not eating together, I think far too often many use that as an excuse because we are addicted to the frenetic lifestyles we live).  Dinners with friends are great and we should practice the spiritual discipline of hospitality.  But none of these are the same as a one-on-one shared meal with your mate.  It doesn’t have to be an elaborate or expensive meal.  Just a meaningful, shared time at the table.

     And when you come to the table with your love, come to the table to laugh together.  Come to the table to share your individual dreams and your dreams for you and your spouse as a couple.  Come to the table to share the extraordinary things you’ve experienced today, and to share the mundane things from your day.  Come to the table and talk about how you’ve changed over the years.  Come to the table and talk about why you love him/her more now than ever before.  Be playful when you come to the table.  Come to the table to share your fears, share your joys, and share your tears.  Whatever you do, just come to the table and let your time at the table bring your closer together.

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What does God want from my marriage?

  A Weekend Marriage Enrichment Retreat

Friday-Sunday, September 13-15, 2013

Fall Creek Falls State Park Inn

Limited to 25 couples

Email dfcamp@gmail.com for more info

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Is your church doing everything it can to help facilitate healthy marriages?  Are you sure?  The Marriage-Friendly Church is available now and gives you the questions every church needs to be asking.  Available at 21st Century Christian or on Amazon.com

Top image credit: <a href='http://www.123rf.com/photo_18736469_senior-couple-enjoying-meal-at-home.html'>stockbroker / 123RF Stock Photo</a>

Drifting

     There is no doubt that Lisa and I are beach people.  The mountains are okay, but for us nothing beats a week of waves and sand.  We were blessed to spend this past week at the beach on our family vacation.  One of our favorite activities is to go out on rafts and ride the waves back in together.  As we floated along waiting for the next wave I noticed that if we didn’t pay attention, we would drift apart.  Either the current would pull us apart, or a wave would separate us.  Before long, we could be several yards apart; able to see each other, but unable to reach out and hold on to each other.  It took effort for us to stay linked together.

     If we’re not careful, in marriage it is easy for a husband and wife to drift apart.  For most couples, I don’t think the growing distance is what they want or expect.  It just seems to happen because they are not intentional about not letting it happen.  All kinds of things can cause couples to drift apart.

• He’s tired from a long day at work, so it’s easier to just not talk to his wife at night and instead veg-out watching TV.  And the current slowly pulls them apart.
• She doesn’t feel up to arguing, so another minor conflict gets swept under the rug and goes unresolved.  And a seemingly gentle wave separates them.
• His friends absorb more and more of his time, leaving less and less for his mate.  He justifies it as “a well-deserved guys’ night out.”  And they drift in opposite directions.
• She immerses herself into the children’s lives, never recognizing that she’s letting her calling to be a good mother supersede her calling to be a covenant marriage partner.  So she puts her husband on the back-burner.  And the distance becomes more distinct.

Any number of things can come up that cause couples to drift apart.  Life happens.  Isolated instances of many things are not in-and-of-themselves terrible circumstances that will cause a rift in a marriage.  We drift apart when ongoing patterns of behavior occur that minimize communication, when we fail to engage conflict in constructive ways, or when we move someone or something else into the primary relationship role that belongs exclusively to our mates.

     Over time, a couple can gently drift apart without ever realizing it.  And God help the couple that has drifted apart when a really big wave comes, the wave that knocks us loopy, tosses us every-which-way, chokes us, and totally disorients us.  When we have our mates to hold on to, the waves still come.  But when we have someone else to hold on to, there is greater stability, a sense of safety, and the assurance that even if you get flipped, there’s someone there reaching out and helping you up.

     Don’t drift apart.  But remember, the only way not to drift apart is to be intentional about not drifting apart.

__________________________________

What does God want from my marriage?

  A Weekend Marriage Enrichment Retreat

Friday-Sunday, September 13-15, 2013

Fall Creek Falls State Park Inn

Limited to 25 couples

Email dfcamp@gmail.com for more info

__________________________________

 

Is your church doing everything it can to help facilitate healthy marriages?  Are you sure?  The Marriage-Friendly Church is available now and gives you the questions every church needs to be asking.  Available at 21st Century Christian or on Amazon.com
 

Top photo image credit: <a href='http://www.123rf.com/photo_19337243_young-couple-in-love-holding-hands-summer-sea-background-close-up.html'>dasha11 / 123RF Stock Photo</a>

Laughing through it together

     Think of a time in your life—a heated discussion with your spouse, a stressful period at work, a time when you felt overwhelmed by the things going on in your life—when you suddenly and unexpectedly found something humorous in the situation and started laughing.  Finding humor in life’s circumstances can often help you personally, but laughter between a husband and wife can defuse tension, increase intimacy, and help you to better navigate rough waters in your marriage and life.

     Couples that laugh with each other (note: laugh with each other, not at each other) often have better marriages. Think about it.  Older couples that have enjoyed a lifetime of laughing together typically seem to be more pleasant and are more content in their golden years.  There are well-documented positive physical, emotional, and psychological effects to laughter. There are also great spiritual benefits to laughter (Prov. 15:13, 15).

Here are a few suggestions on how to increase laughter and humor in your marriage:

• Pay attention to the funny things that happen to you throughout the day, and share them with your spouse at dinner (or whenever you talk).
• Find a television show, or movie, or some other form of media that you both can watch and laugh to together.
• Continually share in “inside jokes” that are just between you and your spouse and can bring your partner a smile at any time.
• Relive humorous stories from your past, both shared experiences and things that happened before you met each other.
• Find a game you can play together to that will give you opportunities to laugh with each other (card games, board games, video games, it doesn’t matter as long as you can laugh together).
• Make silly faces at each other.
• Dress up in ridiculous ways.
• Try to find new and surprising ways to make each other laugh.

It doesn’t matter what you do (as long as your humor is God-honoring and not fueled by the devil), just make each other laugh.

     Work on building your own sense of humor, but also work on maintaining a connected sense of humor with your mate. Humor allows couples to process their day in a healthy way and enhances intimacy between partners. It also reduces stress and negative tension.  Most of all, as you better connect with each other through humor and laughter you can also better connect with God.

__________________________________

What does God want from my marriage?

  A Weekend Marriage Enrichment Retreat

Friday-Sunday, September 13-15, 2013

Fall Creek Falls State Park Inn

Limited to 25 couples

Email dfcamp@gmail.com for more info

 

Top photo Image credit: <a href='http://www.123rf.com/photo_8849701_couple-watching-a-film-on-white-background.html'>aaronamat / 123RF Stock Photo</a>