I
recently made the choice to allow ads to appear on the sidebar of The
Marriage Blog. Given that this
is a pro-marriage, Christian-based blog, I would expect a certain type of
advertising to appear. Now, I know that
Google’s ads are individualized based on Google searches, region of the country,
tied to keywords within a blog, and dictated by a whole bunch of other stuff
that someone smarter than me figured out.
Still, I'm always intrigued to see what ads pop us. Some of the ads have fit the criteria I would have expected (a local
Christian college, travel and hotel, even ads for internet dating), but a
few ads have surprised me (divorce attorneys?
Really? On a pro-marriage blog
site?).
The main purpose of most advertising is to create dissatisfaction. Its goal is to make you desire something you
do not currently have by making you feel like your life is unfulfilled without
X-Y-Z product or service. And the goal is
not just to make you desire it, but desire it feverishly; to desire it to the
point you fixate on it. Sadly, too many
of us fall for advertising for stuff and services that we just don’t need.
Even more sadly, too
many spouses fall for it when the media, their co-workers, and at times even
their closest friends and family try to sell marriage discontentment.
- “Are you really happy just being a wife and stay-at-home-mom?”
- “Is the ‘old ball and chain’ keeping you from having fun again?”
- “Are you sure that is the man you want to sail into your golden years with?”
- “Is she spending you into poverty?”
- “Does he ever really pay attention to you?”
- “Does she always nag you like that?”
- “He didn’t used to look like that. He sure has let himself go, hasn’t he?”
- “Is she really fulfilling your sexual needs?”
- “Could he provide a better life for you?”
- “How could you be happy living like that?”
It doesn’t matter what it is. It doesn’t have to be a monumental
statement. Often, it’s something that
can be played off as a joke. But the
voices around us continually take shots at our mates. If we’re not vigilant, those voices can get
inside our heads; create an air of dissatisfaction…and begin selling us discontentment with our
mates.
Well,
I think it’s time for us to stand up those stupid, destructive voices, to quit
focusing on what’s “wrong” with our mates, and to fight back. It’s only when we quit living selfishly and
comparatively that we can boldly claim the joy of marriage that God give us.*
So, when someone says, “Is the ‘old ball and chain’ keeping you from
having fun tonight?” don’t hesitate to reply, “She is the joy of my life. Why would I want to trade that for a night of your self-inflicted
misery?” When your friend says, “He didn’t
used to look like that. He sure has let
himself go, hasn’t he?” tell her, “There’s no greater feeling than to be loved
and accepted unconditionally. It’s how
we love each other. I hope you find that
kind of love someday.” If you hear, “Does
she always nag you like that?” let your buddy know, “I value my wife’s opinion. She’s intelligent and compassionate. You could learn a lot from her.” When you're asked, “How could you be happy
living like that?” live in a way that let’s that person know that godly
contentment in your marriage covenant is the only way you can be happy.
Standing up against the voices of discontentment
and claiming the joy of marriage that God gives us doesn’t mean everything will
always be perfect. And while I do think we need to stand firm against those who would criticize our mates, I'm not advocating being mean or rude in responding to someone's ill-thought out comment. But remember, discontentment is always for sale. If you want a holy, blessed marriage, then
you’ve got to resist the sales pitch.
*In this post, I am addressing normal
circumstances that create discontentment in couples over time. I am NOT addressing discontentment that
results from abusive or addictive behavior.
If you are in fear for your safety physically, emotionally, mentally,
socially, or spiritually, seek immediate protective and professional help.
_____________________
Looking
for a fun, practical, Biblically-based, couples' study that can be used
with individual couples, in small groups, or in a Bible class? Check
out Marriage: A Blessed Promise. It's less than four bucks and available now from 21st Century Christian. Order online at https://www.21stcc.com/.
Top photo copyright: <a href='http://www.123rf.com/profile_phildate'>phildate / 123RF Stock Photo</a>
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