Yesterday was the day that people traditionally think about love and
romance. Whether it is perennial
favorites like Disney princesses, or the current vampire or 50 shades flavor of
the moment, love sells. It sells movie
tickets, it sells books, and it sells fantasies.
The problem is, what it sells isn’t real. Whether it’s a fairy tale ending or a
sexually-charged rendezvous with the “perfect” person, the media has always
redefined the question “What does it mean to love someone?”
The problem with most media depictions of love is that love is always
presented as an emotionally driven relationship. The stronger the emotion, the more “in love”
the couple are. But what about when the
emotions go away? What happens when he
gets bored because the thrill is gone? What
happens when she has a bad day and just isn’t “feeling it” at the moment. What happens when he sees someone else and
has a stronger sexual attraction to her?
What happens when she realizes that strong romantic feelings don’t necessarily translate into good communication or healthy ways of handling conflicts?
Don’t get me wrong. I’m all for
the “tingle-in-your-toes” feelings you get when you’re with your lover. I love a great date night. I enjoy an adventure with my bride. But if you base your love strictly on
feelings, and on an obligation to keep the other person happy (because you
believe they will surely do the same for you), then you are setting yourself up
for disappointment and failure.
Feelings come and go, and a romanticized love comes and goes with
it. But love that is selfless builds an
abiding relationship. In 1 Corinthians
13, Paul said it this way (italics mine):
Love is patient, and I need my spouse to have patience with me
far more than I’d like to admit, love
is kind, even when I’m unkind, my
lover is still good to me. It does
not envy, my mate wants me to succeed
and be everything God is calling me to be, it does not boast, my spouse
doesn’t demean me or make me feel inadequate, it is not proud, my lover
delights in my accomplishments and victories more than his/her own. It does
not dishonor others, my mate lifts me
up, even when it would be easier to talk about my faults, it is not self-seeking, my lover see us as one flesh, knowing what
blesses me will bless him/her, it is
not easily angered, my spouse and I,
we know how to push each other’s buttons, but he/she respects me enough not to
take cheap shots, it keeps no record
of wrongs, my lover doesn’t fight
historical battles and use my past mistakes to humiliate me. Love
does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth, my covenant lover always points me toward God. It
always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres, and puts God at the center of our
relationship. Love never fails, at least real love that comes from God and permeates a marriage.
I hope you had
a happy Valentine’s Day. I hope it was
filled with romance and fun. But I
really hope and pray that you have a marriage filled with real, lasting, Christ-centered
love. Then, when the chocolate melts,
the flowers wither, and “hot” feelings lapse, you will have an abiding love
that will bring you a stronger joy and peace than anything the media tries to
sell you.
_____________________
Valentine's Day is over, but finding real, Christ-centered love is an ongoing endeavor. Marriage:
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from 21st Century Christian. Give a post-Valentine's Day gift that will have lasting benefits. Order online here.
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